Life Lesson in a Coffee Cup

This morning, in common with many others this time of year, I was feeling rather glum around the various fiscal deadlines that must be met by Christmas.  I have a lot of anxiety around money and practice jam jar economics by robbing Peter to pay Paul, then slyly picking Paul’s pocket to pay Mary. There is a refrain in a Bruce Springstein ballad something along the lines of, “More bills than an honest man can pay”, which hovers in my mind like my own personal Nemesis.

Anyway, taking up my own advice on coping with unemployment, I decided to go to a local café for a barista coffee, which is something of a luxury these days.  Not only did I order my usual flat white, but treated myself to a luscious Tarte Limon as well. There was a brief internal debate about the cost, as I must do with every purchase but frugality crumbled in the face of feeling so utterly dejected over my financial situation.  Life is constantly about choices and this choice was made on the basis that it wouldn’t hurt to have my homemade Basil and Broad Bean Pesto over pasta for a second time this week.

I hadn’t been seated long when a group of ordinary looking women, up to a decade older than myself, sat down at the adjoining tables.  I had seen them in the café before, at the same time of day and guessed they were a walking group by their dress. Yes, they were and called themselves the Silver Sneakers.

I engaged by a couple of them in conversation. I learnt about U3A, (http://www.u3a.net.nz/) and all the courses it offered, and spoke with another member who is about to have a novel published through Amazon and how effective their online self publishing arm is. I told her that I didn’t regard myself as retired for I worked for myself although I had recently taken up volunteer work.  Apparently by doing this I am “transitioning” into retirement, she said.  I had never thought of it that way, though I was conscious when I committed to the training that it would give some structure to my life when I did eventually retire.

I was in awe of their vitality and experience. As one of them accompanied me to the library afterwards, I thought how being engaged in a stimulating life hadn’t stopped for any of these women upon retirement from the paid workforce. I am certain a few of them had had stellar careers. They had no doubt, like myself, found fulfillment in various roles determined by their lives as daughters, wives, mothers and grandmothers but now was the time to fulfill their own expectations.

When people retire there is somehow this idea that the person’s previous life was more valid than their life now; a curiosity to be preserved under a glass dome on a dusty shelf. Something to be seen as a remembrance of a life once lived, but with usefulness to society now over.  Retirement, particularly as portrayed in advertisements for Viagra or retirement villages, is shown as existing in a perpetual sunny, soft-focus haze.  It is shown as a time when one slows down, (though obviously not if one takes Viagra), joins the usual clubs, takes a cruise, prunes the roses or walks along a deserted beach hand and hand with a partner.  Nothing wrong with any of that but I have often wondered if it would be enough for me.  However what I saw this morning told me retirement offers way more. It is up to you.

The outcome of following my intuition and allowing it precedence over my inner Scrooge put me in a frame of mind equal to almost anything.  What I learnt over a cup of coffee was invaluable.  Choose to shatter the glass dome of public perception about older people, leap off the shelf and always wear silver sneakers.

Ageism and Sexism in News Reporting

I am increasingly perturbed by how middle aged people are reported in the media. We're frequently pigeon-holed into a byte-sized description that is more stereotype than reality. For example take the " Elderly sixty-year-old grandmother of three charged with terrorist attack." Why do we never see a corresponding description of a sixty-year-old grandfather of three?

As women we are still defined by our fertility, although I have never seen a woman described as "childless" unless it was integral to the news report. Occasionally it still seems to be necessary to mention if a woman is blonde in a news story. Important yes, if the report is on a missing person. The "Marilyn Factor" with all its salacious connotations, is alive and well. This is also discriminatory against us L'Oreal'd brunettes.

Why the use of the moniker "elderly" is objectionable to me is that most baby boomers in western society are still working, running businesses, technology savvy and contributing taxes. We are a core part of the volunteer work force. When you've reached six decades, it is likely you may still have a parent living who is truly "elderly" in their eighties or nineties. Considering our governments want to push the retirement age upwards from sixty five to eventually to seventy years, being described as elderly is no longer appropriate. Having encountered covert ageism in my job seeking endeavours, it is time to bring about a change in the attitudes embedded in our society about older people. For starters, the media could rethink their terminology.

Certainly as recently as forty years ago being in your sixties was elderly. I certainly feel younger than my own mother who by the time she was my age had suffered a number of strokes. With each generation life expectancy increases in tandem with advances in medicine, knowledge of nutrition, the role of exercise and an overall higher standard of living. In Victorian times it was rare for children to know their grandparents.

So to the journos out there, who are probably unlikely to read this anyway, the goal post has shifted kids. Middle age was once thirty five, only ten years older on average, than you are now. I hope you remember this in thirty years time when my generation is truly "elderly".

Strategies to Cope with Unemployment

 

It's a few weeks, possibly months down the track and you've got over the novelty of lying in bed, strolling down the road for a cup of coffee on the way to the library; or maybe not. This would be a fine lifestyle if only you had the funds to sustain it, but maybe you still have a mortgage, the kids haven't finished university or you hoped to have saved way more in your retirement fund. With all the things you hated about your job, whether it was the politics, the bullying or the boss, you're feeling nostalgic about how your salary magically appeared in your bank on a regular basis. 

• If offered a career mentor as part of your redundancy package, accept the offer. During my first redundancy I resented this like hell yet found the experience really helped identify what kind of role I was best suited for and the kind of workplace environment I flourish in.
  
• Work and rework your curriculum vitae. Remember your CV should not be a tombstone for dead jobs, so remove any experience more than ten years old unless you are, for example, an architect with an award winning built project. Get professional help if you can afford it, failing that some up-to-date books on building your CV.
  
• Maintain a job search spread sheet with all jobs applied for, contact details of who received your application, and your impressions overall if you get to an interview. This process of keeping a record is a good aid to memory if you go for a position at the same agency or company later on.
  
• If you missed out on a position you were particularly sold on, politely phone the employment agency or company and ask if there was any specific reason you didn't get the job. Explain that this is to assist you with your future job search. Express appreciation for their help.
  
  
• Up-skill. Find out what is offered through local institutions such as Citizens' Advice Bureaus, high schools or universities. I have found some free self led courses surprisingly helpful. It will never hurt to add a few more skills to your CV. Remember any positive action taken, however small, will help stave off the onslaught of hopelessness and depression you could be experiencing.
  
• Undertake volunteer work. While it may be difficult to commit when you believe that your next job is just around the corner, the experience is beneficial in a number of ways. It directs your focus beyond your navel offering social contact with purpose. Volunteer work creates a sense of being employed whether paid or not.
  
• If you must deal with Work and Income New Zealand, do it online where possible. I find my self-esteem goes down a hundred points the moment I enter the portals of a WINZ office. In my experience WINZ is not about empowering individuals but rendering them victims serving a system in which boxes must be ticked.

• Finally, find someone you can talk to who knows how to listen. The best person is someone who has shared a similar experience and come out the other side. While most people want to leap in and offer a reason you may not have got the latest job you've applied for, remember again this is for them to try and make some sense of your situation, rather than you. With this in mind, I suggest you nod and smile politely. 

You have already gone through massive rejection with redundancy but believe me there is more to come. Like endeavours to find that one true love, rejection is all part of the process. You'll feel flat, disappointed and wonder if anyone is going to want to employ you / love you ever again. Take a break from job seeking for a while, then gird your loins and get on with it!